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The First Step
Once I was listening to a talk show and the speaker was telling how to become a better, more interesting wife. She stated that a woman should create a "style" for herself by buying a certain type of clothing, always wearing similar colors, so that when people would see an outfit they would say "That is you!"
She also explained that the wife should not only take special care of her appearance, but that she should also make an effort to be more interesting to her husband. She suggested reading the newspaper and taking up hobbies in order to be knowledgeable on current events and other things that might interest her man.
When I heard this advice, I was immediately feeling stressed and a little depressed. All of the sudden, I had this incredible burden of making myself more attractive and more interesting to my husband.
It seems to me that this is worldly advice and advice that is not true. This is to become a person that you are not, having to always put on a show when the husband's around.
In my own experience, I have found that there is much more to being a wife than fine clothing and interesting hobbies.
A relationship with Jesus -- not a superficial one, but a personal, close relationship is the first step in becoming the woman and the wife that you want to be. He invites us to have a relationship with Him:
"Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. Whoever hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him and he with me." (Rev. 3:20)
RECEIVE HIM INTO YOUR HEART
"He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him. Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God..." (John 1:12)
Jesus is the savior of the world, but He will become your savior when you take it personally and invite Him into your life. When we accept Jesus as our Lord and Savior and invite Him into our hearts, the relationship begins. We hand over our lives to Him saying "Make me the person you would want me to be. My life is in your hands."
TRUST IN THE LORD
The next step is to trust Him. Think about the awesomeness of God -- He is the Creator of all the heavens and the earth. Everything we see -- God created it, and maintains it. If he can handle all this, he surely can handle my problems, my life. It sounds easy enough, but it isn't. We need to discipline ourselves to trust Him.
"Trust in Lord with all your heart, and lean not onto your own understanding." (Proverbs 3:5)
Whether or not we understand the reasons for the things that happen doesn't matter -- God knows the reasons. And we did hand over our lives to Him. Actually it's very freeing. We will be able to say "No more do I have the burdens of my problems! What a relief! God's in control!"
Sometimes, we cannot understand God no matter how hard we try. It's a fact that we are just not able.
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." (Isaiah 55:8-9)
Imagine trying to explain America's economic system to a two-year-old, or the concept of time. The toddler may understand partly what you are saying. He may understand what tomorrow or yesterday means, but try explaining what a month is or how long three hours is. The child could not understand. So it is with God and us. We can understand part of God's plan. But His whole plan is so awesome that our minds cannot take it in. Isaiah 40:28 tells us this
"...and His understanding no one can fathom."
With such an awesome God, we can place our trust in Him knowing he can handle anything that comes along.
However, we probably can all remember a time that we questioned God or even became angry with Him. We may have cried out to Him, "Why did you let this happen to me?" or “Why do those people have to suffer that way. Why won’t you do something about it?” We may ask other people such as our pastors, teachers, or friends to explain it to us. If someone has ever asked you these questions, you know that there are no easy answers. There are no explanations.
This is what the Lord says...
"Concerning things to come, do you question me about my children, or give me orders about the work of my hands? It is I who made the earth and created mankind upon it. My own hands stretched out the heavens; I marshaled their starry hosts." (Isaiah 45:11-12)
Since we were not there when God Almighty stretched out the heavens, created the earth or mankind, we could be asking ourselves "Who am I to question God."
This verse may threaten you or intimidate you. But it won't if you remember that God is so compassionate and good. We are not to question why because we are to trust Him and know in our hearts that He loves us and is taking great care of us.
"But you, O God, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger and abounding in love and faithfulness." (Psalm 86:15)
Recently, God taught me what really trusting Him is all about. Ever since I was young girl, I had believed that my whole purpose in life was to have children. There was something so interesting and inviting to me about being a mother. I had always been positive that it would happen. I was married and after a certain time in our marriage, I realized that my things were not turning out the way I had always envisioned. I was disappointed and desperate. I turned to the scriptures and found:
"Delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." (Psalm 37:4)
So I told myself, "God must have put this desire in me, so He will surely give it to me"; and I was glad once again. After some time, I realized my life still was not turning out the way I had planned. Then I read other scriptures that talked about how God did great things in impossible circumstances.
Abraham and Sarah were already old and well advanced in years, and Sarah was past the age of childbearing. So Sarah laughed to herself as she thought, "After I am worn out and my master is old, will I now have this pleasure?
Then the Lord said to Abraham, "Why did Sarah laugh and say 'Will I really have a child, now that I am old? Is anything too hard for the Lord? I will return to you at the appointed time next year and Sarah will have a son." (Genesis 18:11-14)
We know how the story turns out and we know that nothing is too hard for the Lord. I convinced myself that He was going to do this in my life.
There was a girl I knew who bought a car. She really loved that car. I don't know how much she loved it or if she was placing more importance on the car than other things. All I know is that she lost that car. It was demolished beyond repair in a car accident while she remained unhurt.
Another girl I know placed a lot of importance on clothing. She spent money she didn't have buying the best and most expensive clothes. During spring cleaning, the girl cleaned out her closet, putting her beautiful winter clothing in one bag for storage, and her less desirable clothing in another bag which she would give to the goodwill. That fall as she looked for her winter clothing, she had the unpleasant surprise of finding the bag of old clothing in her closet that she meant to give away. To her amazement, she realized the mistake she had made and that her winter clothing was gone.
I don't know if God took these things away from them or if it was just some unpleasant happenings in these girls’ lives. What I do know is that God spoke to me through these circumstances. Just when I was starting to understand, God gave a little confirmation in my own life.
My boss gave me a beautiful pen one year for secretary's day with my initials engraved in it. It was pink with gold trim. I had it for about four years and I was always very protective of it, making sure I didn't leave it lying around for fear someone would borrow and not return it. At this particular time, I was keeping it in my purse in a slot designated for a pen planning to use it when writing checks. I did have it in there for quite a while. But when I needed to understand what God was to teach me, I lost that pen. I went to write a check one day, and it was gone. Must have fell out somewhere, sometime, never to be seen again. That's when it hit me -- I put too much importance on something as insignificant as a pen!
I was learning that if there is anything in this world that I want too much, it must be taken away. Does this mean we will lose everything in life that is of value? I don't think so. But if something "of this world" is so important to us that we put its importance over other things such as God, or people -- then maybe. We tell Jesus that we want to turn our lives over to Him when we receive Him as our Lord and Savior. That means we need to give everything over to him. But, usually, there are things that we keep hanging onto, almost saying, "You can have everything, Lord, but not this. This is too important to me. I need to be in control of this one, so I can make sure it turns out the way I want."
Under normal circumstances, I don't think God would have taken my pen from me. I know I wasn't putting so much value on it that I was looking over the needs of people or neglecting God. He used it to teach me a valuable lesson. I believe it’s important to look for lessons in the small things -- such as a lost pen. Maybe, then, God doesn't need to teach us these lessons in the larger areas of our lives that would hurt more.
Now that I learned this lesson, I was determined to give this thing over to the Lord that I wanted so badly. But looking back now, I feel as though I was still trying to manipulate Him. I believe I was thinking, "I will give it over to God, and then -- surely He will give it to me to bless me." My motives were still mixed up. That's just like doing a favor for someone for the very purpose of getting a favor back from him or her. It's not genuine; it is self-seeking.
That's when I learned the most important lesson of all -- how to really trust God.
I came to understanding that when I give something over to God, I must accept the fact that I may never have it, and that's okay. Why?
Because God is sovereign.
Because God is in control of my life.
Because God has a plan for my life that I don't know about.
Because God knows where I am headed, when I don't.
Because God loves me so much more than I can ever know.
Then, and only then, did I receive peace about my circumstance. It is okay if I never have children and it is okay if I do. Either way, it is okay. I think I finally understand the verse "Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart." He knows what the true desire of my heart is (and the true desire of every person who lives on this planet -- whether they know it or not.) It's not having children...and...it's not having the house with the white picket fence, the man of our dreams, the ideal job, or that nice shiny car.
It is having a deep, meaningful relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ and going wherever He leads me.
I trust Him...finally.
IN ALL YOUR WAYS ACKNOWLEDGE HIM
"Acknowledge Him in all your ways and He will direct your paths." (Proverbs 3:6)
"I desire mercy, not sacrifice and acknowledgement of God rather than burnt offerings." (Hosea 6:6)
God also tells us to acknowledge Him in all our ways. Acknowledgement means to "admit to be true, to recognize the authority of, and to express one's thanks for." We need to make God a part of our every day. We need to include Him in our every decision, every joy, every sorrow, and every worry.
Acknowledgement of God may be one of the hardest things about being a Christian. In this world, we are trained from childhood to be concerned about what others think about us. From elementary school and on, we come to the realization that the world is a tough place. People don't usually just like us and accept us for who we are. Most any person you talk to has at least one memory of school days that involve rejection, embarrassment, and ridicule; others have many. We have been programmed from these experiences to work very hard to be accepted by others -- to say the right things, wear the right clothes, and to fit in.
I remember in high school witnessing the most awful ridicule of a boy who didn't fit in. He wasn't the best looking. In fact, for being in high school, he was quite scrawny. Because of his poverty, he never wore the "in style" clothing that the rest did. He often looked unclean, because his clothes were so worn. I watched the other students taunt him and tease him about his clothing and his poverty. The boy would stay silent for some time; but he would eventually blow up and once even flipped his desk over in anger trying to make them stop. Of course, this only made the jeers louder and laughter more boisterous. I squirmed in my seat for compassion for him. I hated watching it. But even in my compassion, there was no way that I could do anything for him, to defend him, or befriend him. For I wasn't what you would call "popular" myself, and to do anything would jeopardize my own image.
Now that we are adults, have things changed? Are we past the childish games of fitting in with the crowd? If we were honest with ourselves, we probably would find that we are not. However, now it may not be as evident. I have been in the professional workplace for seven years now, and I have yet to see anyone get ridiculed the way that boy did. I've never seen a group of my co-workers encircle a single employee, pointing and laughing, until he was in tears. This is the way of children.
I have seen more discreet, more "adult" rejection and ridicule, however. It is just as painful. So we are still trying to fit in with the "in" crowd. I know that in my own experience, I have remained silent, when I should have spoken up and I have spoken when I should have remained silent -- all in the name of being accepted.
Acknowledging God in these types of circumstances can be the truest test of our faith and commitment to Jesus. I remember a "church-going" woman in a social setting who once announced with her hands in the air "I am not a religious fanatic or anything, but...." And she went on to express her dislike of a newly released song that was anything but reverent to God. I was asking myself -- why did she need to make that statement beforehand? It was if to say "I do have an opinion on this but I want everyone to know that this is not really that important to me." She didn't want to stand out, to bring any attention to herself, at least in this circumstance. Most likely she was afraid she would be laughed at or ridiculed, or unacceptable to the crowd.
Acknowledging God takes humility. It's admitting that you care about Him and He's an important part of your life. It's making a decision that He's worth any ridicule you might receive. You are willing to take the chance. According to Jesus, being persecuted for His sake is a blessing.
Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you." (Matthew 5:11-12)
By acknowledging God I don't mean that you must run through work yelling "I'm a Christian! I love Jesus! Jesus is Lord!" When the circumstance arises, you will know it in your heart.
When someone asks you "what has changed you?" or "How did you get through that difficulty?"
I remember in my own experience a situation where I struggled with acknowledging God. In casual conversation someone told me that he had made a mistake but he was continually trying to be perfect. I laughed and said "Nobody is perfect!" and as I started to walk away someone, probably the Holy Spirit, tugged at my heart telling me I couldn't leave it at that. So I continued "Well, there is One who is perfect." I wanted him to know who I meant without actually saying His name. I felt that old embarrassment creeping up on me, that old fear of rejection. But he didn't know who I meant. I asked him again "You know who I mean -- the One who is perfect?" He said jokingly, "Yes, I know -- it's me, right?" No matter how many times I tried to go around the name, he wasn't getting the picture. So I forced it off my tongue because it didn't want to come. I finally said "It's Jesus. He's the only one who's perfect." The man replied with a bit of laughter "Oh, no he isn't!" This opened a door for me to explain the deity of Jesus and the message of salvation to him over the next couple of weeks. When I struggled with acknowledging Jesus, it was as if the devil was fighting with me trying to keep the name of Jesus concealed. The devil knows that power in that name! There is no name in the entire universe like "Jesus."
"Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have." (1 Peter 3:15b)
Acknowledging God takes preparation. I have heard that if we think about a sin enough, such as watching it on television or reading about it, or talking about it, when the temptation comes, it will be easy to sin, because we've already done it in our minds a hundred times! I believe the same thing applies to acknowledging God in our daily lives. Here's an example. At my workplace, I had gone through several evaluations with several different supervisors. I would sit there for the most part quietly, and listening to a long speech about my character, and ethics, and skills. I was almost squirming in my seat under the flood of compliments. This kind of evaluation is much better than being scolded and criticized, but it was still very uncomfortable. In my mind, I imagined my next evaluation. I thought to myself, wouldn't it be neat if I could give all the credit to Jesus -- to explain that He changed me, that He made me who I am. I must have imagined this in my head at least five times.
My next evaluation came, and it was the same as before. The evaluator said "I don't know anyone like you; I can't even imagine you getting angry with anyone." So I explained that I hadn't always been that way. I did not go into detail that I actually had a very explosive temper in the past. I did tell him, however, that my whole outlook on life had changed. He seemed very curious and asked me "Do you know what has changed you?" Since I played this over in my mind so many times before, I knew what to say. I explained that my relationship with Jesus is what changed me and that everything I am is because of him. I'm not saying it just rolled off my tongue. I still felt very nervous and scared. But the point is that I didn't leave Jesus out. I knew what to do because I had prepared myself ahead of time. God should always get the credit and the glory -- not us.
TO KNOW GOD
Most people "know of God." But to have a close and personal relationship with God, we need to "know Him." There is a big difference. I "know of" the President of the United States, but I don't "know him" at all. I don't know his likes and dislikes. I don't know what he really believes in and what his hopes and dreams are. However, I do know my husband. I have spent time with him, talked to him, observed his relationships with others, and I know his friends and relatives, the people who know him well.
That is what we need to do with Jesus. When we spend time with Him and talk to Him, take time out each day to read His word, and truly open our hearts, we will get to know Him. How exciting to learn the thoughts and plans, the likes and dislikes of the God of the Universe! Ultimately, we learn God's will for our lives.
THE POWERFUL WORD OF GOD
Probably the most important thing we need to do in our walk with Christ is meditate of the Word of God. Hebrews 4:12 describes how powerful it is:
"For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edge sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart."
The word of God is not like any other words that you will ever hear or read. It has life-changing power.
Our bodies need food on a daily basis so that it is refreshed. We could survive without food for some amount of time for we know that Jesus fasted for 40 days (Luke 4:2). However, it is even hard for us to miss one meal. If we do not eat, we become weak and fatigued. If we went long enough without food, our bodies would begin to fail us and eventually we would die.
Knowing this is true, we are told:
"...man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord." (Deut. 8:3)
Just as our bodies need food for survival, our souls need the word of God to survive. It is food for our souls -- we will hunger for it and crave it. However, if we do not read the word of God, we may not have an appetite for it yet. We must "taste the Word of God" as see that it is good:
Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation, now that you have tasted that the Lord is good. (1 Peter 2:2)
This is like a command "crave pure spiritual milk" telling us that we must decide to eat it and then our souls will crave more.
I remember when I was a teenager, I observed a girl decide to start smoking. I asked her why did she want to begin and she didn't have a reason. She just wanted to start. It seemed difficult or even painful for her at first, but she was determined that she would become a smoker.
A person who has never smoked, does not crave nicotine. They do not need to smoke or desire to. When this friend of mine decided to smoke, she was not craving nicotine. She had no idea what that would feel like anyway. She was making a willful decision without first "craving" the cigarette. At first, it may be painful to the lungs, make them cough or nauseated. But that person, for whatever reason, tries again and again until it is easy to smoke and their bodies begin to crave the nicotine over time. The more they smoke, the more they crave.
So it is with the Word of God. We must make a decision to read it and study it on a daily basis. It may seem difficult at first because we are busy, or tired, or want to do other things that seem more fun. But, just as smoking, reading the Word becomes easier and soon enough, we are craving more. It comforts us and energizes us like food for the soul. But a person who never makes the willful decision to read it, may never develop a strong appetite for the Word of God and ultimately -- will not have an appetite for God.
Smoking is comparable, but the difference is obvious. While smoking causes many problems, such as lung cancer, irritability and moodiness, not to mention causing one to smell bad and the strain on the pocketbook, the Word of God causes us to grow spiritually, to become wise, to grow close to the Lord, teach us how to live and to love, and gives us joy and peace like nothing else can.
You may have heard someone say: "You need to read the Bible. It will make you feel good. You'll be comforted." So you plop open a page and it's a story about some war or something that doesn't seem relevant to your life. Reading the Bible is something we do on a regular basis -- not for "feel-good" verses, but it is how we learn to "know" God. And in "knowing" Him, that's where we find the comfort we were looking for. Also, we develop faith and fervent love for God because we begin to know Him.
The word of God refreshes and strengthens:
"As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sewer and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it." (Isaiah 55:10-11)
That's how powerful the word of God is. If God wants to reveal something to us or convey a message, we will hear it! Something will have changed in our hearts. Just as the rain soaks into the ground, God's word soaks into our hearts and souls and achieves the purpose that God sent it. So it is clear to see that if we are not reading God's word, we are missing out on what God is saying to us. We are missing out on His life-changing word.
Not only should we read God's Word, but also we are to memorize it:
"Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates." (Deut. 11:18-20)
When we memorize scripture, it becomes part of our hearts and minds. This is such a blessing to our lives because the word of God becomes part of us. We will not always have our Bibles with us when we are facing trials or we may not have to time to search for that special verse. But in our daily lives, when we face temptation, sorrow, or fear, this is when the Spirit of God uses these verses to remind us of God's promises. Since the day I began to memorize scripture, I cannot count the times that the Lord has caused me to remember a verse at the exact moment that I need to hear it. His word gives me peace, joy, and security; and because the word of God is the "truth" it keeps me from being deceived by the devil. In Ephesians we are told:
"Put on the whole armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes." (6:11)
It seems that the devil is always whispering lies in our ears. The more we read the bible, the more we will be "aware" of his lies. The devil will try to deceive us at every chance. But we will not be deceived if we have the word of God fixed in our hearts and minds.
"Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God." (Eph. 6:17)
TAKE ALL THINGS TO GOD IN PRAYER
To know God, we need to talk to Him. Take all things to God in prayer.
"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus" (1 Thessalonians 4:16-18).
Pray continually? How can we pray continually? We have chores to do, places to go, and people to see.
This, again, is acknowledging Him. He is a part of our lives now. What a better way to acknowledge a close personal friend than by talking to Him. Tell Him your fears, your worries, what you need help with, what you thank Him for, and why you love Him so much. So we need not be on our knees all day; but we can talk to Him like we would a friend who is with us all the day through. As the verse stated, we continue to pray and give thanks in all circumstances -- when things are good and when they are not so good. "This is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." How wonderful to actually know God's will for our lives!
We will discuss the power of prayer more in a later chapter.
FELLOWSHIP WITH OTHER BELIEVERS
To know God, we also need to observe how He works in others, and talk to those who know Him well. When we fellowship with other believers, we can grow and learn so much! We can get excited in the Lord! We can have joy!
When I first understood salvation, it did not really change my life or behavior. It was only when I became part of a Bible study that my life changed. These people had a love for the Lord that I did not. They had faith and excitement I did not. Upon observing their relationship with Jesus Christ, I wanted what they had, and that's what brought me to the point of submission to Jesus. I finally told Him that I was a sinner, that I wanted Him to change me because I could not change on my own, and that I wanted Him to be Lord of my life. I feel blessed to be part of that group because I feel it was a gift from God to help me grow. From those Christians, I learned how to pray and to study the Bible and to be open about God's love to each other.
Hebrews 10:24-25 tells us:
"And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another -- and all the more as you see the new day approaching."
Fellowship with other Christians is a vital part of maintaining your relationship with Jesus Christ. We keep each other on track, focusing on the truths of God's word, "spurring one another toward love and good deeds." It's easy to be deceived and influenced by the world, but meeting with other believers will be a great source of strength and encouragement.
If you don't have any Christian friends or relatives, seek out Bibles studies in your church, work, or school. Find someone you can share your faith with. Ask the Lord to send someone into your life if there is no one to be found.
SEEK GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART
A relationship with Jesus Christ will change your life in that you will finally have fulfillment, joy, peace, forgiveness, and unconditional love. This relationship with develop over time, but do not give up for in Jeremiah 29:13 we are given a promise:
"You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declared the Lord.