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Susie
I went to church every Sunday with my family. It was a habit and I was proud that I was a “good” girl. I was obedient to God to get people’s approval, not to please God. As long as I was having fun, that is all that I cared about, and that boys liked me.
I eventually ended up in my first marriage. Why I married him, I’m not sure. It was the thing to do. People said he was the most popular in the school. Other women would like to date him, but he asked me to marry him instead of another, and I was thrilled. Not because of any values or morals were present; I think I was just proud I had a good-looking one interested in me. My heart was very empty. I just lived the days going through the motions. I don’t know that I loved him. I was just living with him. I had babies and that took a lot of my time. But I had no reason for my life - just surviving. I was overwhelmed with responsibility and had no help. I had married an alcoholic and didn’t realize it until later. His drinking and staying away from home increased as time went on. I was lonely and struggling and frustrated with life. My heart was empty. But I thought that was life. I was so overwhelmed, I’m not sure if I felt love for my kids. I still went to the Catholic church every Sunday. I wanted to hear something that would help me, but never did.
Then one fateful day, I thought at the time was devastating (but now I know it was a blessing and turning point), my then husband had an affair with a woman at work. Wow! What a blow to who I was. Just about nothing already, then my drinking husband says, “I’m done with you.” I was left alone and crying. I was completely alone. No one understood how I felt or what to do for me.
One day at a drugstore I found a little book that said “Help for a Hurting Heart.” So I bought in hopes for some help. I can’t remember it all, but I do remember there was a prayer for God to change my heart’s desires so I would desire the thing he wanted for me and then I would be happy and content. So, I did with all of my heart pray that prayer, because I wanted to be happy.
Slowly, but surely, my heart started to want to know what God wanted for my life. I started to read the Bible. I was very concerned about what I should do about my marriage. My self-image was still wrapped up in it. So, all that I read in the Bible, at first, I believed that if I did what it said, God would change things right away. But He didn’t. My then husband kept seeing the other woman. I kept turning to the Bible for comfort and God spoke to me more and more as time went on. I had a satellite dish and I watched preachers in the evening when I put the kids to bed. I kept notes on what they said and read the Bible more and more. I couldn’t get enough of it and the teachings on TV.
I met an older lady at that time that heard of my marriage break-up. She asked me, “are you born again?” I knew what she meant because a few years ago my brother Dan came to visit me and explained why Jesus died on the cross. I knew he died on the cross, but didn’t really understand why. In Romans Chapter 6:23 it says “For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.” So with one sin there has to be payment of death -- Jesus paid it for me. It was His gift to me. I just have to take it. But when my brother was there, I understood it, but didn’t take the gift. I didn’t want to stop being Catholic. But when this lady friend asked me “are you born again?” I took the gift and said “YES, I am.”
It says in Romans 10:9-10 “that if you confess with thy mouth, the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. For with the heart, man has believeth unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.” So, before I believed but now I confessed.
After that, my life changed. None of my circumstances did. My then husband still seeing the other woman. I was still alone. But I wasn’t crying. Jesus was changing my heart and I was a different person. I read the Bible all the time and prayed and memorized scripture like crazy. My heart was bouncing with life and joy. I loved my kids for real now. I was never lonely and Jesus was showing me he had a plan for my life. At last, I had meaning in life and a direction. I prayed for my then husband’s salvation day and night and prayed for our marriage to get back together. God promised me he would restore everything that was taken from me.
A big thing Jesus wanted me to do was for me to teach my children about Him. So I did. We watched movies with Bible stories and we learned to pray and memorize scripture. As the years went by, it was evident that my then husband was not going to respond to me or the prayers. After seven years, our divorce was final. A year later I went to my Pastor and asked him if in God’s eyes could I date or remarry, for I did not date or even talk to men all of this time. He went to the Word and said yes I could. So I opened my heart up the possibility and prayed God would show me if there was someone for me. I did not set my heart on finding someone; it had to be God’s will.
About six months later, I waited on a man where I worked at the time. God spoke to my heart for me to pay attention to him. He opened my eyes to see him (I waited on men day in and day out never gave thought to it.) I really didn’t feel a strong attraction to him physically but I felt God saying “this is the one.” So, after he left I got his address off of his check and wrote a letter telling him I was a Christian and would go out with him if he asked. I had no idea if he was a Christian or even if he was single or anything. I went on God’s leading. Guess what? He is now my husband. He called me for a date the same day my ex-husband was remarried.
God set me free from my old life and gave me a new life. Jesus truly restored everything that was taken from me and blessed me with more. My husband Jeff is truly a gift from God. He is very Godly and loves me with all his heart. He loves my kids and helps me continue to raise them to know Jesus and keep a high standard while they are teenagers. My kids love the Lord and have meaning and direction in their lives. The older ones are already serving him by having Bible studies and joining the BIC (Believers in Christ) club at school. My heart is still full of life and joy because Jesus fills it when I read the Word and listen to His teachings.
Ephesians 5:20 “Now unto Him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, unto Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages world without end. AMEN!