 | ||||
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
Elva Leitem
There seemed to be a blank place in there that was unexplained, about Jesus dying for my sins and me still being responsible for my own sins. I never felt secure. I was sinning and confessing regularly, never knowing for sure that if I died, I would make it into Heaven.
My only hope was to make it into purgatory and be purged of my sins, maybe for thousands of years, but eventually made clean enough to get me into Heaven. What a pitiful person I was, but I thanked God often for letting me be born Catholic, because I thought this was the truth and now at least I had a chance to go to Heaven.
I did my best to follow all the man-made rules and regulations of the Catholic Church and thought I was doing a good job of it, too. I was trusting in my own self to be good enough. Then when I was 55 years old, my son, Dan, started reading the Bible. He’s a very smart man but even so it took him a long time to discover the discrepancies between what our Church taught and what the Bible said. He surrendered his understanding to Jesus and the Holy Spirit cleared up his confusion. Scripture clearly stated that Jesus did it all and our job is simply to believe and have Faith.
Of course, he wanted me and all our family to know the truth. He started with me. He asked me if I died, would I go to Heaven? What would qualify me to enter? I thought for a while and remembered how I had tried so hard to follow all the commandments and teachings of the Catholic Church (though I failed regularly). So I said, “because I tried to be a good person and did a pretty good job of it.” I was giving myself all the credit for gaining entrance.
Dan was gentle, as he told me that the Bible teaches in Romans 3:20 that “No one will be declared righteous in his sight by observing the law” and Romans 3:22 “Righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.” Dan explained how grace is a free gift and we are undeserving of it and cannot earn it. It’s free when we trust in Jesus as our Savior. He paid for all our sins on the cross.
He also quoted Ephesians 2:8-9 “For it is by grace that you have been saved, through faith, and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God -- not by works -- so that no one can boast.” What wonderful verses they were. But, I had a closed mind and I wouldn’t even listen. All I wanted to do was stick up for myself and the laws of the Catholic Church. Months and years went by, with Dan and I having long discussions on salvation. He showed me that the Bible stated that Jesus did it all on the cross and that being good and keeping the commandments was a result of trusting Jesus for our salvation, not a means. He was praying for me all the while.
Finally, I became fearful that I was wrong and I wouldn’t make it by trusting in my own efforts or the Catholic Church or Mother Mary or anything else. It wasn’t what I did, but what Jesus did. So I knelt and prayed to God to tell me the truth, “that’s all I want, Lord, is to know the truth.” After that, I began to understand.
I read in the Bible, John 3:16, “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son (Jesus) that whoever believes in him shall not perish, but have eternal life.” And now I understood it. I knew that Jesus had paid for all my sins, past present, and future. For He knows all things.
So I trusted Jesus as my Savior, because I know I can never be good enough on my own. I know for certain now that I will go to heaven, because I’m not trusting in myself to be good enough. But because I’m now saved and a child of the Father, I will strive to be obedient out of love and appreciation. I want to please Jesus and my Father God, though I fail daily. Thank you Jesus, you’ve taken care of my failures on the cross.
If you would like to talk, feel free to send me an e-mail at
lulabelle_elva@netzero.net. Please put "sistershare" in the subject line so I know it's safe to open. Thanks!