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Cara
It was my brother, Dan, who first found out the truth of salvation in Jesus Christ. He would come to visit and we all dreaded it because we knew what was coming. I would get out of there as fast as I could because I didn’t like hearing him and my Mom go on for hours discussing their different beliefs. But I guess my younger sister, Julie, must have stuck around long enough to hear the basic message because she is the one who told me about it.
I can clearly see it in my mind the time she told me. I was driving my car out the driveway with her in the front seat beside me. I was stopped at the end looking for traffic to see if I could pull out. That’s the moment I heard it for the first time. She said “Dan says that we don’t have to try to be good to go to heaven. He said that we all are bad and that is why Jesus had to die for us. All we have to do is believe he died for our sins, and we’ll be saved.” I remember feeling that finally the cross of Jesus made sense. I told her that I liked what he said. At this point I said yes I believe he died for my sins, so I’m ok. Then she went on to tell me that each person has to accept him into their lives and develop a “personal relationship with him. We both agreed that we didn’t know how that would be possible to have a “relationship” with an invisible God. At that time in our lives I think we kind of brushed that part of it aside. If the subject ever came up, we would ease our consciences by saving “I believe Jesus died for me. I must be saved.” But something was still missing and I knew it. I just wasn’t too concerned about it just yet in my life.
A few years went by. Then God was really working in my other sister Susie’s life. Her husband left her for another woman. She had three little children to care for as well. In her broken heart, she called upon Jesus. She began reading the Bible night and day and found a treasure she could not contain. When I was around her she always wanted to talk about God. It bothered me. I claimed to believe in him, but did not know how it applied to my own personal life. I began to lose my sense of security. I realized I needed to truly invite Jesus into my life. I wasn’t ready yet, so I began to avoid her to avoid feeling uncomfortable. It seemed like a disease -- everywhere I went, people were talking about God -- “Jesus this, Jesus that” and trying to convince me to read the Bible. The Bible seemed so unapproachable to me. It didn’t make sense; it had too many big words and so on. I stubbornly refused to read it.
Some time later I had my first baby. I never realized how spoiled and self-centered I was until I became a mother. He was a very demanding baby so I had a very hard time adjusting. In fact, I wasn’t adjusting at all. I began to pretty much fall apart through the struggle. My marriage was a disappointment to me as well. Then I remembered Susie. If she could find hope and happiness and strength in Jesus, then maybe I could too. When I talked to her about it, she would tell me to seek him night and day and I would find him. I still resisted. I wanted him to fix my problems but I wasn’t willing to put any effort into developing a relationship with him. Not that I didn’t want to so much, but I had too many excuses as to why I couldn’t. I barely had time to eat a meal or go to the bathroom, so how could I possibly have time to “read the Bible’ or even listen to Christian radio programs? She pointed out that I was making excuses and until I was downright serious about knowing Jesus, I wouldn’t get anywhere. I realized that maybe I didn’t want change, that I was scared of it. Maybe I just wanted pitied. Well, no one wanted to pity me so I had only one choice left. I remember finally surrendering to God one day.
I told him I was desperate enough that I would allow him to have control of my life. That I was making a decision to put my total trust in him and in return I wanted to know Jesus personally. From that point on, I began to seek to know all I could about Jesus.
I read the Bible, listened to the radio, went to Bible study and to church. I began to fall in love with Jesus little by little.
The Bible came alive to me. I was experiencing being truly born again! I could understand the meaning of that because I was given a brand new life with Christ Jesus in the center of it. I think of a song that expresses this. It says “Knowing you, Jesus, there is no greater thing. You’re my all, you’re the best, you’re my joy, my righteousness, and I love you Lord.”
My problems did not immediately disappear, but now I had the strength to overcome and rise above my difficulties. Praise Jesus!
There are many times that I drift away from Jesus and get a taste of the emptiness of life focused on anything else but him. So I press forward in my pursuit to know him and live in him.
May Jesus be exalted! Amen!